March 3, 2001

NY Knick Fans and Patrick: 
Losers Together and Losers Apart

Yeah you can believe that the jack off Garden Knick fans, who pay the equivalent of 4 tank-fulls of gas to watch 2 hours of meaningless NBA mid-season basketball, you can believe that these “sports fan” morons would stand and cheer the return of the biggest franchise disappointment – if not the biggest disappointment in the entire history of sports.  “St. Patrick” Ewing was back in town, and golly-gee, let’s show the world how “knowledgeable” and “classy” us New York and New York Knick fans really are. 

The stupid ass-brain idiots.  Cheering a player, Patrick Ewing, who was supposed to bring them not a single choke-filled appearance in the NBA Finals, but an entire dynasty of all-the-way-to-the-Canyon-of-Heroes championships.  Har har har har har har har.  You wish you owned the Garden, laughing all the way to the bank with an arena full of suckers like these.

The biggest laughs are reserved for the biggest dickheads of all, those “knowledgeable” and “classy” and tapped-out horse’s asses who stood and cheered for that big stupid fuck Ewing. 

Here’s a player who never thought of the good of the team, who made it a point to stay aloof and maintain his “Hoya Paranoia” inherited from that other Me-the-Victim guru John Thompson.  Ewing was paid more money than any non-winning sports figure in history, 

Ewing has been romantically linked to Knick City Dancer Ashley,  now in her 5th year. 

and when his final contract ran out, he told  the Knicks and their fans in effect, “Big shit, I played here for 16 years.  Fuck you, pay my 38-year-old legs $16 million a year or I’m hobbling out of here. I got a bigger asshole named Paul Allen in Seattle who will give me what I want.  Been good knowing you -you loser shithead assholes, wish I coulda saw past my own statistics or made a clutch shot once in a while, but hey, fucking I got mine.  Thanks and so long.  Oh, one more thing: Don’t forget to stand up and applaud like the ‘knowledgeable’ and ‘classy’ New York and New York Knick fans you are next time I stop by.  Assholes!”  And Knick fans, just like their counterpart Giant fans who worshipped the even more selfish crybaby Mark Bavaro, are licking Ewing boot.


God how easy it is to sneer, “Knick fans!” - comprised predominantly of jerk-offs in the cheap ($60) seats and courtside super-celeb real “nitty-gritty” basketball fans, they howl with fucking adulation when the Biggest Loser in Sports History struts onto the court.

Enough, enough, the point is made and it isn’t lost on Knick or Garden management:  “Boys, we are milking the biggest brainless cash cow in the history of live sporting events. 

Look at these assholes!  They are so caught up in being ‘fans’ in being ‘seen’ and in acting like jack-offs that we can pretty much put any five yo-yo’s on the court and watch the dough roll in.  Every once in a while, we can make them feel good, and feel proud, by drafting or signing or trading for some big name loser, say for example like that basketball fraud Patrick Ewing, we can whet them every once in a while and milk their shitbrains dry.” 

Thanks, Patrick.  For being such a big, selfish “victim” but more important, for demonstrating that it ain’t how you win the game, or how you play the game; but rather how you lose the game.  Again, and again, and again. 

Ewing has not been romantically linked to Knick City Dancer Kris. 

 And to watch those basketball “genius” New York and New York Knick fans, watch them wallow in their own stupid losing spending ways, they’re so smart!

--Dick Acorn

Tell Us What You Think: If you'd like to respond to this article, click here.